Thursday, September 28, 2006

contradiction

i paused, took a deep breath and gave a thought. Leaving the lappies to idle for a bit. Recollected our yesterday. Waited patiently and impatiently, a contradiction.

finally we met. before that, a sleepless night, a bunch of crazy dreams and a bad throat. Were these effects of my indecisive self? To do what i think is right and go against all.

Maybe i just want to calm myself and not let go of my beliefs and that little hope. yes, that little hope. it felt the same, it felt like my heart tearing away through unknown dimensions. Emptiness filled the void, again and again. When will it stop? I asked.

Got my life read by a geomancer, a prediction of the worst. I might lose a limb or two before 35. Fear arose. fear but not afraid, another contradiction. my throat screamed in silent. Felt like death, although not knowing what death is.

Even as i drafted, my thoughts are evading it. i am glad that we had challenged and overcame our sufferings, then again more will come.

the time is near. save tonight. songs that remind me of you. will i ever stop smiling and crying at the same moment? my contradiction.

...... true to myself, i made my decision.

Friday, September 01, 2006

my niece's 1st bday